Seeking God w/ an Empty Heart

 

How many times have you bowed your head, closed your eyes, and took a deep breath only to say…nothing?

“Lord” you say looking up to the ceiling with water in your eyes. Your heart just melts as your emotions take the best of you.

You try to think of the words to describe how you feel but there’s nothing.

You can’t seem to find the words to describe your empty heart.

That’s exactly how you feel, empty. You feel that there’s nothing there. You try to say something but there’s nothing. You are drained from the roller coaster you’re on that you feel like all of your emotions just emptied out of your heart.

I remember going through this vulnerable season where I was speechless and my heart felt so empty. I tried to say my prayers and talk with the Lord. I distinctly remember grabbing the covers and pulling them to my neck. As I took a breath, I felt the misery just seep from my head to my toes. I was completely and utterly vulnerable.

It’s so interesting because you feel like that this season will last forever but it doesn’t. God eventually reveals that even during your moments of vulnerability, bitterness, and utter discouragement, He understands EVERYTHING.

Moments like this reminds me of when Jesus was about to be crucified.

Matthew 26: 36-46 KJV

36 Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder.

37 And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy.

38 Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.

39 And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

40 And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?

41 Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

42 He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.

43 And he came and found them asleep again: for their eyes were heavy.

44 And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words.

45 Then cometh he to his disciples, and saith unto them, Sleep on now, and take your rest: behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.

46 Rise, let us be going: behold, he is at hand that doth betray me.

 

Jesus’ heart was heavy and I believe He probably did feel empty. I interpret this from the scripture because He kept going back to pray. I find myself doing this same thing when I feel heavy and empty. I keep going back. I keep seeking God. I keep praying. And I believe this comes from the guidance of Jesus in this passage.

 

That’s why the song above, “The more I seek you” is the song of the day. It’s the perfect description of the desire just to be close with Jesus. “The more I seek you, the more I find you. The more find you, the more I love you.” Those words capture me every time my heart feels empty. The more I seek God in these moments, the more I find him. And the more I find him, the absolute more I love him. I want to add to that part. The more I love him, the more I praise him. The more I praise him, the absolute more I want to serve Him.

It turns out that when you KEEP seeking God, you will find Him. The emptiness will diminish and the Holy Spirit that is already within you takes over. Words will begin to form in your heart, peace will begin to take over your spirit, and joy will begin to take over you!

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Oh How My Big Papa Loves Me So

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Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. I was the usual little girl that would run to the door when she heard the door open. I was that little girl that sat on her daddy’s lap until I was too old and heavy. I was that little girl that loved to run errands and play basketball with him. One thing that touches me even today is that as long as I want something and my dad can make it happen, it will be done. If it’s in reach, I know I got.

The same way that applies to any child and their father, God works even better. He says, “If I think it’s best for you to have, you can have whatever you like. You’re my child, my baby. I got you.” Whether you have an earthly father or a no father at all, I want you to know that you have a Heavenly Father that wants to fulfill your heart’s desires. He knows what’s best for you. Most of all, He will definitely give it to you if He feels that it’s it’s for you to have.

Yes I refer to Him as…Big Papa. Why? Because the same way a child runs to their dad or granddaddy, I would imagine this relationship to be even better. We run to Him. We run to Him when we’re alone. We run to Him when we’re down. We run to him when we’re happy. We run to him when we’re sad. We run to Him when we’re scared. And we run to Him when there’s nothing else that we could possibly say or do to fix a situation or feel better about one.

He’s a BIG GOD. He’s an omnipotent God. He’s a God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He’s a God filled with love, mercy, and kindness. He’s a forgiving God. He’s a God that loves you no matter how many mistakes you have or will make. He’s a God of creation and the author of true love. He’s a God of truth and a God of refuge. He’s a great God. There are a lot of things He protects us, shields us, and delivers us from. We have no idea what we could have faced, but He saved us from it.

He’s our papa because we can go to Him for anything. There’s nothing that He can’t handle. He knew that we would mess up from the beginning of time. So, He gave us Jesus. He knew that we needed to be saved so He introduced us to the cross where Jesus shared His blood for us. He shows us the value of forgiveness every time we repent. He shows us that He loves us with the abundance of blessings that we have. He corrects us as we make mistakes. He talks to us. He comforts us. He LOVES US!!

Take that into consideration the next time you pray. Tell him how much you love Him. Let Him know how thankful you are to know Him and be His child. Say to yourself, “I Have a Big Papa that loves me!!”

I Just Don’t Know!

 

Whether you are in a happy mood or if you are a mess right now, I think that this song will replenish your spirit. Sometimes we just need to lay on our faces and just let God know what’s on our hearts. There will be days when you feel so close and tap into His beautiful presence ready for treasures to be unlocked. Other days, you will feel empty with no words to describe how you feel. No matter what you’re going through, God knows exactly what you’re going through. You don’t have to be angry just because you can’t describe how you feel just focus on Him. When you focus strictly on His presence, you find yourself praising and worshiping and trying to understand HOW you got there. This has happened to me so many times. I was so confused but excited because I knew that He knew what I was going through and sent His Holy Spirit to help me get to where I needed to be! My God is so awesome!!!

God’s beauty and love

Happy Resurrection Day!! Today has truly been the day that the Lord has made. I’m so glad to serve a Savior who shed His innocent blood to unlock easy access to the Kingdom. My Jesus is what keeps me going and my Jesus is the reason I am alive today. Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for me AND rising that third day. I serve a mighty Jesus that has Power over life and death!! I can’t help but smile today and everyday when I think about how my Savior unlocked grace and the Holy Spirit before we came to this earth! That majestic power keeps the fire alive in me!
His love and beauty is beyond measure!! That’s the only way I can describe His presence!!

God Says…

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God Says, “Why do you only expect for me to show up during your biggest situations? I will never leave you nor forsake. I am there during the smallest moments as well. When your heart just randomly feels like crying, when the wind is blowing and your day is okay, and even when someone smiles back at you in the store. I will never leave. I love you more than you could ever imagine love to be. My love for you does not compare to anything and will never be equivalent to anything you will face in life. Nothing and no one can compare to the things I’ve done and will do for you. Most of all, no one knows you, feels you, and loves you like I do everyday all day long!”

Life Changing Moment

I can definitely say that there were a few life changing moments that have captured my attention growing up. I was one who knew what death was at the age of four, saved by five, and had a another life changing spiritual awakening moment at 18. All of these moments served significance but I faced another life changing moment just about a week ago. The other week I had finished class and had to run some errands. There’s a particular road that gives me trouble when it comes to merging in traffic because you have to watch for two stoplight areas before pulling out. I almost got hit going this way before, but it was because of my mistake of not paying attention to the second traffic area. So this time when I came to merge, I looked straight back at the path where majority of the traffic comes from. Then I made sure to look at the area that gave me trouble last time. So I look back and look to the other area and look back again and slowly pull out. Now I didn’t notice how slow I was ago until I thought about this a few days ago. As I was pulling out, I had to be going about 15mph. And as a testimony as well, I don’t know why I was doing 15 but if I didn’t I probably wouldn’t be here right now. As I was slowly merging, the biggest silver truck came out of nowhere along with two others so close to the car I screamed. This truck was going at least 65 in a 45-50 mph a zone. I screamed and stopped immediately and looked and merged quickly into the lane.

To some or most of you, you might be thinking well stuff like this happens all the time or that I am dramatic right now. But for me, I am praising the Lord. You see it wasn’t until the next morning that I realized how life changing that could have been. If I would have pulled out, that trucked would have dragged me down the street, pushed me into the rail, or pushed me over the rail. If I would have pulled out, I would be in the hospital or possibly dead right now. If I would have pulled out, I could have been paralyzed, had broken bones, memory loss, brain damage only the Lord knows.

On top of all of this, true reality set in when a girl that I went to school died a a day or two later from an accident. This girl was the same age that I am now and went to the same school. I thought about how that could have been me. Whether you are a believer or a not, I wrote this to tell you that nobody is exempt from death.

In a matter of a few days I was still struck with all of this saying to myself God kept me through it all. Before I walk out the door everyday, I make it part of my routine to say a prayer and read Psalm 91. This is the reason why. You never know what you are going to face when you walk through the door. You never know what may happen even when you are at home feeling safe. You never know what may happen in the next two minutes. You never know what life may bring. And most of all, you never know what the devil will try to throw at you. This was a life changing moment because it made me aware. The more that I do my best to fulfill the purpose and plan that God has for me, the more that I continue to spread God’s love one heart at a time, the more that I read my bible, the more that I put God first in everything that I do, the more he will get mad. The more I try to do all of these things he will try to stop me.

I say all of this to be honest and tell you the truth. The devil does not want the best for you. He wants you dead. He wants you to be down, depressed, confused, ashamed, hurt, lost, and abandoned. He wants the absolute worse for you. I want you to know this. God has got your back more than you could ever imagine. God is aware of what the devil is TRYING to do to stop you from doing what’s RIGHT! I believe that is why He made His word to lead us and guide us through all of these moments. The devil tried to stop Jesus. He even had the audacity to try to pull some scriptures into his confused little brain of his to detour him. Jesus replied multiple times. God is aware of what you are going through. He is aware that the devil does not want the best for you.

Jesus came to save us from sins and all of the nasty, dirty, filthy, things that the world and the devil will try to stick on us. Jesus died on the cross and as long as we believe that he came, suffered, and died, everlasting life will unlock to us spiritually.

After this incident, I thought to myself how I don’t want my last moment on earth to happen on the day that I was too busy to pray or read my bible. I don’t want my last moment to be when I was not following my heart when Jesus is speaking to me. I don’t my last moment to be tending to something that God has not justified and predestined for me to be or do. Due to all of this, my life has changed once again. I thank God that he will save during moments like this but teach us as well. I know He sent his angels to watch over me, to lead me and guide me, to cause me to do something that I didn’t realize I did to save me. I keep telling HIM, “You saved me, you saved me!” I think of how that simple moment is just like when we take him into our hearts. When we first accept Jesus Christ into our lives, He saves us and never stops. That’s a life changing moment! Thank you Jesus for everything!!!!!

Thank you for the air I breathe.

Thank for the food I eat.

Thank you for the overwhelming love that you have for me.

Thank you for preserving me.

Thank you for protecting me.

Thank you for your grace.

Thank you for your mercy.

Thank you for your love.

And most of all thank you for saving me!!!!!!

I Can’t Take This Anymore!!!

Healing Hurts!!

If you can think back for a second when you were growing up and you had your baby teeth, you will remember how agitated and uncomfortable it was to have the wiggling tooth especially every time you ate or moved your tongue around. You were always reminded that it was there. Healing hurts! See we fail to realize that this nation, our health, our family, and everything and anything around us requires a little pain and agitation in order to transition to a better level. We require hardships, obstacles, standstills, and bitter seasons to learn and gain a more intimate relationship with Christ. It gets hard. People leave you. Life starts wrestling with you, but Jesus is right there calling your name. He wants to hear your voice asking him to come into your heart. He wants to hear your voice praise him even though you are hurting, asking questions, or just can’t comprehend what He is doing. Trust me, He has a plan for you. Look up, look towards the sky, and look beyond the sun because honey, we can only see so much with our physical eyes. If you could just open your spiritual eyes up to the amazing things that God has in store. It’s waiting on you! New seasons, new blessings, a new heart, and a new life more abundantly!!!!!

I love my Jesus. Don’t worry about all of this stuff in the news, don’t worry about tomorrow the bible says, even the birds don’t have to worry what and when they will eat. Jesus provides it all. He came to suffer and save!

It Only Takes a Spark!

It’s New Year’s Eve and you may be out somewhere on your way home, hanging with friends and family, or you could be at home sitting behind a computer live streaming some services like me. No matter what you are doing right now I want you to please read this post with an open heart. I’ve seen a lot of people post about how bad this year has been, but I want you to know this. It only takes a spark! It only takes a spark for your life to turn right side up or upside down. Vulnerability does come in seasons in life, but also there are times when vulnerability must come to an end. Jesus is right there with a hand reaching out to you to say, “My friend, it only takes a spark, and I am the spark in your life. I am waiting to just light your life with my presence, love, and grace like never before!” I want you to know that it only takes a spark and that spark is Jesus!! Times will get tough in our life. Life will be hard. Seasons will come where things will not be in our favor, but we have to keep going and look up, look towards the sky, and look beyond the sky. Life is too short for you to sit and allow your feelings, your mind, and negativity to just drag you through the dirt. God has so many beautiful hidden treasures within the next year that you are not aware of right now, but believe me and you I’m telling you this with so much faith, favor, and love that you will be amazed how He will turn up and turn out in 2017! Take on the New Year with faith, favor, and a spark of happiness because you just don’t know what’s ahead. Life is too short. Come on get up, get moving, and look up for guidance and rely on Jesus Christ for that spark in your life. Happy New Year and God bless 🙂

What A Beautiful Christmas Day!

It’s a beautiful warm and Christmas evening. As I look around I am reminded of the beautiful gifts all around me. And the older I get the more I am reminded of the story of the birth of Christ. I am simply amazed thinking about the struggles as well as the victorious moments of triumph. This day that we celebrate is a day that a man yet human and divine was not only born but introduced unstoppable, unavoidable, and irresistible love to the world. His presence on earth not only served the purpose of giving us the word, but to provide guidance, compassion, and everlasting life to all of us. YES! THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE. LET US REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT FOR GOOD TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY HAS COME TO EARTH AND BROUGHT CHANGE TO THE NATURAL AND SUPERNATURAL WORLD FOREVER MORE! Merry Christmas and may the blessings of the Lord fill your house, you, and your family for years to come!