Lord, I Give You My Heart

It’s something so special about praising God when you are most vulnerable. I don’t know how God does it. But there are plenty of times I go down on my knees filled with so much anger, sorrow, or just frustration, and He takes it all away. It’s so amazing. I will never forget a time I was upset with someone for about an hour. I honestly couldn’t get my mind off of the situation and I prayed and listened to a concert by Kim Walker Smith. My heart was overwhelmed with so much joy afterwards.

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I do my daily devotions a little different than most people. Every season, I usually have about three or four songs to help me cope with all of my emotions. One of my songs for this season is “I give you my heart” by Hillsong (song below). I first heard of this song when listening to Pastor Sheryl Brady preach. I loved the lyrics so much, I immediately went to YouTube to find the original song. This song has become one of my go to songs to kick start my morning devotions. I immediately feel aligned with God after listening to this song. I usually put the song on repeat to dive deeper with Him and either pray, worship, or start reading a passage afterwards.

Every word in this song is filled with so much truth and takes me back to what is most important during my Christian walk.

 

We need to remind ourselves and everyone around us to focus more on God. Our mission is to serve God in everything we do. Spreading His word and love should constantly stay on our hearts daily. It’s easy to get distracted with all of the mundane things but God is most important. It wasn’t until reading Psalm 139 that I was reminded of that. After arriving to work, I was thinking back to that passage that states,

O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.
Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
19 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
20 For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
21 Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

I was reminded of how God never leaves us. When we’re in the car, He’s with us. When we are at home, He’s with us. Even when we are in the midst of our trials and tribulations, He is with us. Why is it so easy to forget about Him when He’s always there. We don’t have to do anything and He is still there. So when we call on Him, we don’t have to do much because He’s right there anyway. Isn’t that amazing? He designed us, He’s with us, and He will never leave us. So, let’s do just as this song says, to give Him our hearts and our souls.

We need to allow His spirit to have His in our lives without limits. We need to live just for Him. We should strive to make Him proud daily. God is a wonderful and mighty God! Let’s bless the Lord together and thank Him for all that He’s done. He’s deserves it!!!

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Seeking God w/ an Empty Heart

 

How many times have you bowed your head, closed your eyes, and took a deep breath only to say…nothing?

“Lord” you say looking up to the ceiling with water in your eyes. Your heart just melts as your emotions take the best of you.

You try to think of the words to describe how you feel but there’s nothing.

You can’t seem to find the words to describe your empty heart.

That’s exactly how you feel, empty. You feel that there’s nothing there. You try to say something but there’s nothing. You are drained from the roller coaster you’re on that you feel like all of your emotions just emptied out of your heart.

I remember going through this vulnerable season where I was speechless and my heart felt so empty. I tried to say my prayers and talk with the Lord. I distinctly remember grabbing the covers and pulling them to my neck. As I took a breath, I felt the misery just seep from my head to my toes. I was completely and utterly vulnerable.

It’s so interesting because you feel like that this season will last forever but it doesn’t. God eventually reveals that even during your moments of vulnerability, bitterness, and utter discouragement, He understands EVERYTHING.

Moments like this reminds me of when Jesus was about to be crucified.

Matthew 26: 36-46 KJV

36 Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder.

37 And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy.

38 Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.

39 And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

40 And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?

41 Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

42 He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.

43 And he came and found them asleep again: for their eyes were heavy.

44 And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words.

45 Then cometh he to his disciples, and saith unto them, Sleep on now, and take your rest: behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.

46 Rise, let us be going: behold, he is at hand that doth betray me.

 

Jesus’ heart was heavy and I believe He probably did feel empty. I interpret this from the scripture because He kept going back to pray. I find myself doing this same thing when I feel heavy and empty. I keep going back. I keep seeking God. I keep praying. And I believe this comes from the guidance of Jesus in this passage.

 

That’s why the song above, “The more I seek you” is the song of the day. It’s the perfect description of the desire just to be close with Jesus. “The more I seek you, the more I find you. The more find you, the more I love you.” Those words capture me every time my heart feels empty. The more I seek God in these moments, the more I find him. And the more I find him, the absolute more I love him. I want to add to that part. The more I love him, the more I praise him. The more I praise him, the absolute more I want to serve Him.

It turns out that when you KEEP seeking God, you will find Him. The emptiness will diminish and the Holy Spirit that is already within you takes over. Words will begin to form in your heart, peace will begin to take over your spirit, and joy will begin to take over you!

“Dear God, I’m Speechless…”

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If you are a frequent viewer of this blog, you will find that it’s been about a year since my last blog post. So I would like to dedicate this post to 2018.

The beginning of the year…

Upon the beginning of the year, I began to tap into a mild depression. I graduated from college with my B.A. I was finally done with school and was completely empty. Everything I constructed fell to pieces. Honestly, I had no way to fix anything. I could not find a job, my nonprofit was losing things, my stress level was getting worse, and my emotions were taking the best of me. There were times that I sat in my dark room staring at the wall. I felt worthless. I felt like I worked so hard for nothing.

I kept applying for more jobs and heard nothing.

I prayed and felt nothing.

I read the bible and heard nothing.

What more to do? My faith was decreasing by the day. And my prayers turned from long monologues to a few sentences to three words. There came a time when I fell on my knees and said, “God, I’m speechless…” I had nothing to say. I wanted to cry but the tears would not fall. I did not know what to do or how to feel.

One day, I grabbed one of my old computers and found the praise song, “Agnus Dei” by Michael Smith. I closed my eyes and saw a small cabin (goes back to a childhood story). I was inside this cabin sitting at a table with a coffee cup. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, a man came with his coffee cup and sat down at the table. I could not see His face but I already knew exactly who this man was…my Savior. Although, I could not see all of Him, I knew Him.

I then opened my eyes in amazement and started singing along to the song. Upon closing my eyes again, I saw another vision ( I will share that in another post). My faith began to rise again. My heart begin to feel strength. And for the first time in a while, I cried tears of joy.

Upon the second month of this dark season, one of my high school friends held a prayer gathering. My sister and I both attended and my faith got a little stronger and then decreased again. I was stuck trying to figure out why this dark cloud would not move! Everything I felt before came rushing back. My feelings, emotions, and stress dragged me back into the dark hole I was once in.

One day, I was lying in bed when I got a phone call to come in for an interview. It was not the job I was hoping for but I felt compelled to go.

At the end of the interview, the manager offered me the position. I was somewhat speechless but not in a good way. So… I said yes. I filled out my paperwork and completed all the steps and within two weeks I started my first job.

I distinctly remember my first day was overwhelming to say the least. I thought to myself, “What have  I done!?!” Although I was not overly excited about this new journey, I kept going. It was better than nothing and I had to be grateful for what God had given me. At least I was out of the house..right?

The middle of the year….

I kept working and earned my way into a summer position. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I had the opportunity to continue working with kids and I was rekindling old passions. I was falling in love with this job until it reached the end. It was time for me to go back to the first job. My frustration and stress rose through the roof. I found myself falling back into that dark hole once again!

Upon returning for the new school year, my new supervisor and coworkers were great! I had a different group of kids from the previous year and ended up working ten times harder in the same position. Although it was rough start at the beginning, things began to level out.

The end of the year….

Towards the end of the year, the spark began. When I mean a spark, you know the song that says, “it only takes a spark, to get a fire going.” Yeah, that’s how it was for me. What started out as a spark turned into flames. The flames started at work and continued to get worse. I had a bad reaction to some fire ants. My foot swelled so bad, I could not walk. When I sat up at the end of my bed, I felt the pain rush to my foot. I was in unbelievable pain for days. After getting better, things continued unfolding at work. Then about two months later, came down with a cough which turned out to be pneumonia.

As you can see, the mention of faith and prayer decreased the further you read this blog. That’s how my spiritual journey turned out to be. My faith decreased day by day. I started struggling with doubts about everything. My prayers and daily devotions continued to get shorter.

Things began to get so bad when I was sick and my weakness started to transition into strength.

I was praying for both physical and spiritual strength.

I was praying for another job for both my sister and I.

I was decreeing and declaring healing for myself.

Then one day, I checked my email. I got another job!!!!!

I went back to the doctor and the she told me my pneumonia was gone.

My sister got called in for another job.

I was surrounded with so much joy. I learned the value of answered prayers. I could not contain myself with excitement.

Although this year was long and hard, God came through for me. The beginning was rough, but He continued to show me that He was there all through the year.

I can truly say that there is a God.

He’s not just any God but a God of answers.

A God of faith.

A God of trust.

A wonderful, beautiful, amazing God!!!

When you don’t think that He’s listening, He is! That goes back to the vision I had at the beginning of the year. Jesus had his coffee cup to sit down and listen to me. All those moments when I thought that He couldn’t hear me it turns that He was right there. Jesus answered my prayers when it was time to answer them. What mattered most is that I turned to Him and stayed strong in my faith.

God knows your limits.

He knows when to take you out of situations.

God knows when it’s your time.

You just have to trust Him and KEEP GOING!

There were so many times I wanted to give up on everything.

There were times when I had nothing left. But I kept moving and HE truly came through. So I can say THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL YOU’VE DONE FOR ME!

What is your story and Happy New Year!

Oh How My Big Papa Loves Me So

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Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. I was the usual little girl that would run to the door when she heard the door open. I was that little girl that sat on her daddy’s lap until I was too old and heavy. I was that little girl that loved to run errands and play basketball with him. One thing that touches me even today is that as long as I want something and my dad can make it happen, it will be done. If it’s in reach, I know I got.

The same way that applies to any child and their father, God works even better. He says, “If I think it’s best for you to have, you can have whatever you like. You’re my child, my baby. I got you.” Whether you have an earthly father or a no father at all, I want you to know that you have a Heavenly Father that wants to fulfill your heart’s desires. He knows what’s best for you. Most of all, He will definitely give it to you if He feels that it’s it’s for you to have.

Yes I refer to Him as…Big Papa. Why? Because the same way a child runs to their dad or granddaddy, I would imagine this relationship to be even better. We run to Him. We run to Him when we’re alone. We run to Him when we’re down. We run to him when we’re happy. We run to him when we’re sad. We run to Him when we’re scared. And we run to Him when there’s nothing else that we could possibly say or do to fix a situation or feel better about one.

He’s a BIG GOD. He’s an omnipotent God. He’s a God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He’s a God filled with love, mercy, and kindness. He’s a forgiving God. He’s a God that loves you no matter how many mistakes you have or will make. He’s a God of creation and the author of true love. He’s a God of truth and a God of refuge. He’s a great God. There are a lot of things He protects us, shields us, and delivers us from. We have no idea what we could have faced, but He saved us from it.

He’s our papa because we can go to Him for anything. There’s nothing that He can’t handle. He knew that we would mess up from the beginning of time. So, He gave us Jesus. He knew that we needed to be saved so He introduced us to the cross where Jesus shared His blood for us. He shows us the value of forgiveness every time we repent. He shows us that He loves us with the abundance of blessings that we have. He corrects us as we make mistakes. He talks to us. He comforts us. He LOVES US!!

Take that into consideration the next time you pray. Tell him how much you love Him. Let Him know how thankful you are to know Him and be His child. Say to yourself, “I Have a Big Papa that loves me!!”

The POWER of His Reckless Love

Jesus takes care of our imperfections through His perfections! What does this mean?

This means that it is never too late to come back to Jesus. His arms are always open waiting for His precious sheep to come back to Him. This means that He will never stop chasing you. It’s not too late. It will never be too late! Jesus is waiting to say, “Welcome Home! My sheep has come back home. They came back home!!!!!!”

 

I Just Don’t Know!

 

Whether you are in a happy mood or if you are a mess right now, I think that this song will replenish your spirit. Sometimes we just need to lay on our faces and just let God know what’s on our hearts. There will be days when you feel so close and tap into His beautiful presence ready for treasures to be unlocked. Other days, you will feel empty with no words to describe how you feel. No matter what you’re going through, God knows exactly what you’re going through. You don’t have to be angry just because you can’t describe how you feel just focus on Him. When you focus strictly on His presence, you find yourself praising and worshiping and trying to understand HOW you got there. This has happened to me so many times. I was so confused but excited because I knew that He knew what I was going through and sent His Holy Spirit to help me get to where I needed to be! My God is so awesome!!!

God I’m so Tired!!!!

God's Child

If you are reading this, you could be in a great mood just scrolling through different blogs like this one. On the other hand, you may have found this blog out of desperation as you constantly google and search for something to give you some type of encouragement. You are probably feeling alone, left behind, voiceless, and ashamed. Or maybe you are feeling in one the happiest moods full of life, laughter, and just awesomeness. As I am writing this, I can tell you that I’m not feeling really motivated. As I was writing in my journal, a thought came to my mind, “Why do I feel so down when I have everything I need, I got sleep last night, and today was okay?” I don’t know. It’s just one of those days.

One thing that I do know for sure is that no matter how you feel, you will always be God’s child. You can make one billion and one mistakes. You can cry yourself to sleep every night. You can look in the mirror and feel like the world’s biggest failure, but God doesn’t see you that way. For every imperfection the world may acknowledge, that is one more thing that makes you the perfect child in God’s eyes. He loves you. He cares for you. He sent his son, Jesus to fulfill the most wonderful mission one could ever fulfill. His son died just for you and me. As we face these hard days and feel like nothing, there is a God looking straight down from heaven saying, “My child is something.” He finds you so beautiful. You are a creation that He is proud of. He smiles when He looks at you. When you hear God’s voice, peace should overwhelm your heart. For every tear you shed, His heart weeps. Why? Because you are God’s child. When your heart feels low, He feels your pain. When you look down at yourself, He says, “My child should see what they mean to me.” You mean the world and more to God. If not, He would not have given His word, His son to shed blood for us, and His love would not have been expressed as it was. You are God’s chosen child. A special, anointed, blessed child in His eyes and that is all that should matter.

God says, “I got you!”

God says, ” I got you just where you need to be right now. At this time, at this moment, you are where I need you to be. Stop looking at what you should do, what you should be doing, or how should be doing. Instead focus on me, focus on being content with where you are, and most of all focus on my presence. I will let you know when it’s time to move forward with your circumstance. Don’t let life tear you down. Your strength comes from me. My son Jesus died for you! YOU ARE MY CHILD, AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU FALL!”

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

From my mother’s womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I’ve been born again into your family
Your blood flows through my veins

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God